What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 00:12
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Would this be the day?
What does it mean if you dream your dad died?
She wouldn,t have been !
So whats the point in blame.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What is the reason behind the Russian government's negative view on foreign travel?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Are there any examples of outdated values in the Bible?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Don’t Try Flying With Erewhon Sunflower Seeds - The Cut
I said to her
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Water Discovered Around a Young, Sun-Like Star For First Time - ScienceAlert
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
If You Have an Asus Router, You Need to Check If It's Been Hacked - Lifehacker
I waited trembling.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was seconnd youngest,
We all went to grammer schools
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Have you ever had sex with your female cousin? How did it start?
When she asked me how she looked .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Giants Activate Jerar Encarnacion - MLB Trade Rumors
Comes on , in middle age.
Put me off passion for life!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Reds Sign Wade Miley, Place Hunter Greene On Injured List - MLB Trade Rumors
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Is anal sex allowed in Islam? It's not written anywhere in the Quran whether it's forbidden or not.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were not on the streets..
I was 9 years of age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She loved him until the end.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot live in the past .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My family never makes their pension either.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was scared of men, in general
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was very sick at this time too.
I will be 64.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I have no regrets .
Why did i forgive my father ?
But it wasn’t much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I write beautiful poetry .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is soul school!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I think the readers, may guess!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Especially a lifetime of it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So, i spoilt her more .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And i lived it daily.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Who then, do I blame.?
She married twice! .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I don,t even have a pension.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..